Monday, April 14, 2008

Monday, 14 April 08

i love you.

are three very simple words, but they're very hard to mean.


we keep thinking we can mean those three words.
somehow, we always want to mean those words.
towards God.
when we tell God "i love you", somehow, we always really want to mean what we say.
when a line in a worship song captures our hearts, we always wanna tell that line that captured our hearts to Him.

example:

"and in my heart i pray you'd let your will be done, and till i see you face to face and grace amazing takes me home i'll trust in you"

or

"break my heart for what breaks yours, everything i am for your Kingdom's cause... Hosanna, Hosana, Hosanna in the Highest.........."




we always want to tell that to God.

when we do something wrong.

okay, i won't write WE this time. i'll just write about I this time cause i dont know if you guys are like that too.

but when i do something wrong, or/and when i hurt people around me. i always feel wanna tell God/those people i'm sorry but i dont know how to tell God/ people i've hurt and wronged, that im sorry, miane. simply because i dont know if the mianes (sorry in korean) is meaningful enough to bring my apology across to the opposite party. simple because i don't know (applies to people only, not God haha) if they'll forgive me.


its always like that.


then when things change.

we're still all "i love you i love you" when things first change

then we don't realize that there's a certain depth to which you say those words
because you know never really know how deep your "i love you" is
how true your "i love you" is
and how long you can go on "i-love-you"-ing even when problems come your way
and when those problems; make "i love you" not so easy to say anymore




i think. i kinda thought about it today. i think we all know we love God. but then when the tough times come, when its not easy to love God then.


then i wondered if that was really okay.

then i thought "i don't know. but so what if its okay or not okay, is there a difference anyway."

then my brain squeezed out its million neurone cells
and the impulses restarted.
then my brain starting working
my mind starting cracking.
and, i began to just really
think.
and as i thought deep and thought hard
as my thoughts narrowed down.
then i realized.
somehow, loving God really really isn't easy.
somehow along the way, being on fire for God really isn't easy.
but did anyone, ANYONE say it was easy?

then my mind relaxed
and my brain stopped its deep thinking
and i began to just flash back to the past.


then i realize
im stuck now.
because no matter how easy "i love you" really once was easy to say
now, its not the same anymore.

no matter what happens,
God didn't create time to be something that could be turned back.
and it'll never be the same again.





then and i thought and i realized.


God.

God always has His ways of showing us how much He loves us. when our minds suddenly change and tell us "does God really love me?", then somehow, sooner or later..

God always His special way of showing us that He loves us.


maybe, for us.

its like God's "i love you" towards us.


but what about us?


when times are easy. then "i love you" can reach the depth you wanted it to reach.

but then.

when problems come your way.
your "i love you" fades away


then i realized.

that really. its when our problems come, that we'll see for ourselves how much we love God.


now we may say "i love you" just like how we always used to do


but when problems come, will we still say that?


or will our "i love you" just be three simple words, not of depth?
will it be "i will love you even if problems come my way, no matter what, i will love you forever and ever and ever"


or will it be " i mean. i really love you. but i don't know if i love you enough to..........."


whatever whatever.








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Alisa.

Labels: i L.O.V.E. you.