Monday, December 10, 2007

Monday, 10 December 07

you know what? i really feel like breaking down in tears already. i don't know where else i can type this cause my blog's meant to be secret, but people can find out anyway. so sorry im being super emo.

but like.

i really wish someone can understand how i feel.

i feel disappointed with God and so far away from Him, and i'm already trying to focus on Him and sort things out but nothing, NOTHING makes me feel better.

and i just.

blew it with my parents, real bad.



there are many things in life worth smiling for. and i wonder why in times like now, the very spilt second im typing this, that i just can't think of them and smile for them.



i don't feel like packing.


i just feel like running away.




i once thought maybe God really understands how i feel. but He ended up only disappointing me.
does He really understand how i feel, DOES HE. why does everything turn out to make me feel more and MORE disappointed and broken on the inside.


God, you just DON'T understand how i feel at ALL.

no one does.


i don't know.


i feel like just running away. i wish i could like meet up with a close friend and talk things out. but then again i don't think many people REALLY understand me.


what makes it worse is to know that.


i once thought God cares.

but now i can see, He doesn't care, AT ALL.

i once thought God understands.

but now i can see, He doesn't understand, AT ALL.



thats what really makes me feel so down now.




maybe i really am a great failure. and i should stop thinking of the good things but think about me, the stupid old failure.

maybe i really am such a stupid, selfish person. and i should stop trying to be not selfish, cause what if i'll never change to be that way?

maybe i should really just stop trying to please God and everyone else cause i keep ending up disappointed, and always failing, being such a stupid lousy failure. whatever.





sorry if im feeling super emo and ranting it on you guys.


you guys seem to be the only people i feel can understand me?


alisa.